Alfred in Wonderland We're All Mad Here!
by BlackWitchesCat
Summary: AU. Alfred just wanted to play the new video game, his friend Kiku just got. Sadly, when his friend goes missing and he falls down a rabbit hole, he'll find himself in a world where everyone is mad and if he's not careful, the Queen might just have his head too. Now Alfred must find Kiku and get home, while keeping his sanity in this upside down world!
1. Down the Rabbit Hole

**3/28/15 update**

**2300 word count not counting AN.**

"You've found him then?" a deep male voice asked. The owner of the voice sat atop his thrown, in the dimly lit room.

"Yes, my Queen," another males voice replied.

"Good, bring him back here."

"As you wish," the man bowed and turned to leave.

"Oh, and do not fail me Rabbit. I've waited too long for him," the Queen rested in his throne grinning.

"I shall not," he left without another word, leaving the Queen to himself.

"Soon you will be returned to me and take your rightful place as my king," the Queen mused as he awaited the return of his long lost King. "There's nowhere else to hide; whether it be the surface world or Wonderland, I will always find you."

"Alfred F. Jones, what pray tell, are you drawing? I would love for you to show the class," right then the loose leaf he was doodling on was pulled out from under his pencil, ruining the drawing, he had worked on the whole class period. He looked up at the utterly pissed off face of his English teacher.

"Jones, honestly why don't you explain. I am just fascinated on why this cat is grinning, because I am not amused when my lesson is being ignored," her wrinkled face frowned. She looked like a white raisin with weird bright pink circles on her cheeks.

"Maybe he knows a secret?" He shrugged jokingly. Honestly he shouldn't push her buttons and get in more trouble but she made him ruin that drawing. He had just gotten the shadowing right and there was no way he would be able to erase the dark black line through the cat now.

"Jones, enough of your jokes and fantasies! If you put as much thought into your homework as you do in ridiculous jokes and drawings, maybe you would actually be passing my class," she spat and a bit of spittle hit his glasses. She wasn't amused, especially with all the snickering in her classroom from his joke.

"Yes ma'am," he looked down in embarrassment; the class was also laughing at him now that they knew he was failing.

Once she got to the front of the classroom she crumbled the paper and threw it into the waste basket near the door. She turned to continue her lesson but the bell prevented her shrill voice from leaving her wrinkled lips again, with its own loud annoying screech.

Alfred stood and collected his things to leave. When he got to the door he reached down into the trash and pulled out the crumpled paper and walked out the door. He un-crumbled it to look at the back and white cat; maybe the line wasn't so bad. It was bad. He tried not to look at the ugly jagged line running through the cat, but at the cat instead. It was a strange one with a large sharp toothed grin and a scar on its right eye. The eyes were as sharp as its grin. He liked the cat, even if it was ruined by the led line scratched across it.

He tucked the picture into his backpack just in time to see Kiku. The Asian had transferred to the school from Japan two months prior. The boy was twitchy and shy and didn't seem like he enjoyed being around so many people; so Alfred took it upon himself to befriend the poor sap and show him around. Kiku had eventually warmed up to him and they became pretty good friends.

"Kiku, dude what up? You got that game yet? I am so looking forward to beating your ass this time," he threw his arm around the short black haired youth and ignored how uncomfortable the close proximity made him.

"H-hai, Alfred-san. It arrived this morning if you would like, we could play it at my home after school," he politely replied. Everything about the Japanese boy was polite. It was almost like politeness was programed into him. Though being invited to the boy's home was a surprise. The whole time Alfred knew Kiku, he hadn't visited his friend's home. 

"Awesome dude, I'll be there. I'll meet you at the flag pole so we can walk there together," he let go of Kiku as the late bell rang. "Shoot! Well see you after school and remember the flag pole," he called as he ran backwards to class.

He couldn't wait to play the game and the rest of his day was thinking about it. I was the newest fantasy game where the protagonist was dropped in a strange world and had to liberate the people from an evil dictator. The graphics were supposed to be amazing. It was the perfect escape from ones the boring daily life. The only down side was the game was completely in Japanese but with Kiku beside him he could translate the game. It was awesome having a friend that hailed from video game heaven.

When school finally finished, he nearly ran to the flag pole to wait for Kiku. Luckily though, the black haired teen was already there and they were able to make their way to Kiku's house. Their walk was filled with excited chatter on Alfred's part and polite nods and the occasional yes from Kiku.

When they arrived at Kiku's homes Alfred was practically vibrating with excitement. The house itself wasn't very interesting. It was a plain two story home; it wasn't too large or too small. The front door opened to a cozy living area to the left and ahead was a door that Alfred suspected led to the kitchen. To the right was a staircase to which he followed Kiku up and into the first room to their right.

The room was a decent size with a bed on the right side of the room under a window, whose shades were drawn. Next to the bed was a desk and adjacent to the desk next to the door was a large T.V. to which he almost drooled over. It stood on a black cabinet, which he discover held the gaming systems and about twenty games, when Kiku opened it.

They both sat on the floor, right next to each other in front of the T.V. as Kiku set the game up. He couldn't wait to play it. He was so close to saving the good people of the Phoenix Kingdom, from the wicked dragon sorcerer. He was completely ready; ready to dive into another more fascinating world… that was until Kiku stood to leave.

"Ah… Please forgive me, Alfred. I must take my medicine," he said while bowing his head.

"Nah, man it's cool but why do you need to take medicine?" Was his friend ill? Was he going to die?!

The Asian born teen must have seen the panicked look upon his friends face and laughed, "Do not worry, my friend. I merely have a small cold that has lingered from this weekend. Please, begin playing without me. I set everything up and I will only be a few minutes."

"But dude I need you to translate!"

"Don't worry Alfred, the first few minutes is just fighting montage. You have to go through a short tutorial before it starts the story," Kiku explained while he opened the door and left.

"Alight dude, but hurry up!" he yelled, just before the door clicked shut, while pressing play and starting.

The tutorial was pretty simple X punch, O kick, triangle was magic build up and square you released the magic attack. It also showed some of the more basic combo moves. Ironically the actual fighting of the tutorial was brutal. The giant dragon almost ate him five times. It was a miracle that his character wasn't… scratch that his character was dead. So very, very, dead…

He sighed picking up his phone and looked at the time. "Hmmm." Kiku had been down there for nearly twenty minutes. "What's taking him so long?" Maybe he should send the little guy a text. He did and waited about ten minutes for a reply but got none.

Sighing again he got up and stretched, "guess I better see if the dudes alright, after all that's what heroes do, right?" He smiled to himself and made his way down stairs and to the kitchen where he thought the Asian would be. Nope, not there but there was some yummy cake on the table.

Looking around to make sure Kiku wouldn't magically appear, he shimmied over to the cake and smiled devilishly at it. He was sure Kiku wouldn't mind. The dude was all about hospitality and Alfred having cake in his oh so hungry stomach, would be quite hospitable. Besides the Asian seemed to have a slight phobia of brightly colored cakes. He stopped. Then why was there a bright blue cake in Kiku's kitchen?

"Eh, who cares free cake," he picked up the fork and took a large bite. "Oh my god this is good," he hummed right before a blast of wind blew open the back door.

"Holy shit! I swear Kiku, it just jumped into my mouth! I totally did-… oh the wind…" he walked over to the door, with his cake, to shut it only to see a peculiar rabbit right at the door step. Frankly, it was freaking adorable and Alfred, being one with a soft spot for rabbits and all things cute, bent down to pet it. Unfortunately before his hand could pet the creature it took out a pocket watch and its hair stood on end. It dashed away and right into the trees that lined Kiku's backyard…

"Did that rabbit… have a pocket watch?" he said and then looked at the cake, then to the trees, and then back to the cake, and then took another bite. It couldn't have been the cake. As a hero, he knew all things good and all things bad, and cake was always good!

"Wonder how a rabbit could have a pocket watch though? It's not like the thing could tell time," he pondered. He looked back inside the house and listened. It was quiet and he couldn't even hear the groaning sound of steps. Kiku wasn't inside the house… where could he be though? He was only supposed to pop a few pills and down them with some water. That took five seconds max. He looked back outside. Could something have happened to his friend and Alfred not know? It didn't make sense though. He would have heard a struggle; he would have seen one on his way down… so where was Kiku?

Right when he was about to search the house a bit, he saw two large ears perk up out of a bush. He raised an eyebrow, wasn't that rabbit gone? No, it jumped out of the bush and looked a little annoyed. It took out its pocket watch, from a waistcoat that Alfred hadn't even notice it was wearing, and pointed to it like a person who was late would do. It than seemed to motion towards Alfred, as if telling him to follow.

That could not be right though. Rabbits did not wear waistcoats and did not carry pocket watches and absolutely did not expect people to follow them. Alfred was wrong. There was something definitely bad about that cake. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders though. Maybe this was all a weird dream and he just fell asleep in his last period class. Crap, he'd have to borrow someone's notes then and the teacher would also most likely chew him out for sleeping in class as well.

He looked at the rabbit who looked even more annoyed. Its paws were on its hips and its ears were pushed back in frustration. It gave him one more wave to follow and jumped off causing Alfred to huff in his own annoyance, "Demanding little guy, huh?" He sighed though, "Fine I'll follow you!" he said as he started walking to the trees to follow the rabbit. Maybe this mysterious hallucination or dream rabbit would lead him to Kiku.

When he got to the tree line he moved the bushes and saw the rabbit hopping deeper into the forest, "God for a dude that has short legs, he's pretty damn fast." The rabbit started to disappear into the foliage and Alfred began to run after it. "Hey wait up," he yelled after it and ran faster.

The rabbit went deeper and deeper into the forest, running faster and faster. It took everything Alfred had just so he didn't lose sight of it. Then suddenly it made a sharp turn to the left. He did the same just in time to see the rabbit dive down a large hole under a tree... the same tree he was not able to avoid face planting into.

"Fucking hell! That hurt!" he cried while rubbing his nose. That did hurt a lot. He sat down next to the hole and looked down it. It was pitch black. He took a rock and dropped it down the hole and listened… there was no "clunk" or "clatter" of it hitting the ground, "that is one a deep hole." He tired looking down it to see if his eyes would adjust, "damn it. Great job Mr. Rabbit. You led me to a dumb hole."

He turned around and huffed. This was just great. He wasted time chasing a dumb now gone rabbit, when he could have been looking for Kiku. He began to yawn, chasing that rabbit must had taken more energy than he thought. "Maybe Kiku is back by now. Maybe I should just head ba- whoooooa!" he was cut off ass something pulled on his vintage bomber jacket, causing him to fall backwards into the hole.

**Well this is the first chapter. I've been reading "Alice in Wonderland" and I'm almost done with "Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There". This is like the Disney movie a combination of the two. But it does have characters from the original stories like the Griffon and the Mock Turtle, but like the Disney movie I'll most likely leaving some characters out, like the first mouse Alice meet. I sadly can't figure out what Hetalia character would fit that character's role. Still not everyone will fit exactly into the roles they are given and there are reasons for that. **

**I would also like to say, that no chapters are written beforehand so updates will be sporadic, especially since I am in college and professors like to give homework. I am also a terrible procrastinator.**

**On another note, this story does not have a BETA. If you read this and actually enjoyed it, god bless you because I suck at editing. If anyone would like to BETA your welcome to. Just remember I do not update often and please do not disappear. I'm honestly on the fence about a BETA ^^;. **

**Well anyway remember to R&amp;R. they really do help give me courage and drive to write. And do not be afraid to criticize. I need to get better at writing.**


	2. Escape the Room

**2062 Words**

**Update 6/3/15**

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah," he was falling down the hole; before he could even realize it he was engulfed in the darkness. He waved his hands around wildly, trying to find a stone ledge or a root to grab onto and hopefully save his life. His fingers brushed against a chain and he just barely grabbed it in time. There was a quick click and then a snap as the chain gave way, from his weight. The whole cave, suddenly was flooded with light and when Alfred looked up to what he grabbed he realized it was a chain from an antique lamp.

Now with light, he could see his surroundings; he noticed quite a few abnormalities. For one there was furniture lining the walls and floating about the never ending rabbit hole. There were clocks spinning backwards, at an alarming rate; there were cabinets and cupboards that hung about; and chairs of varying wood works and styles. There even seemed to be a wood burning stove and oven every so often.

The strangest thing though, was that it seemed as if he would never reach the bottom. He just kept falling and falling; never reaching the bottom and the clocks were no help in telling him how long he had fallen for. Eventually he had been falling for so long his stomach started to vocalize its discontent. With a groan he started to look around and opened one of the cupboards to find something to eat. Luckily the cupboards were not bare and he was able to find some jam and bread to satisfy his disgruntled stomach.

"Not a pizza but at least it's something," he sighed and grabbed a clock. "I wish I knew what time it was," he was very much regretting leaving his phone in Kiku's room. His face twisted in worry, "Where are you man? Did you fall down this hole too?" He let go of the clock and huffed, "well as long as I'm down here I'll look for you… and a way out. That is, if I ever reach the bottom…"

He looked down once more, only for his eyes to bulge out of his head in fear. A white and black checkered floor was coming right at him… or him to it… or- who cared he was going to die. He was too young to die. He never even had his first kiss, or went to prom, or had his first legal beer, or voted, or- god he shouldn't have done all that homework. What was the point of it when he was going to die anyway?

He closed his eyes and waited for impact… and waited… and waited. Slowly he opened one eyelid then opened the other in confusion. He was floating five inches from the floor.

"What the-" BAM! He dropped nose first into a white tile. "Mother fucker," he moaned into his hands as he held his aching nose. "That really freaking hurt, God damn it!"

"I say, watch that filthy mouth," a stern voice scolded. Alfred sat up and looked around but couldn't find anything. All there was in the room, was a glass table. On the salmon color pinstriped walls, were painted portraits (of varying shaped frames and sizes) and long red curtains with gold tassels that hung on the curved walls.

"Um… Hello? Anyone here?" He asked as he spun in a circle. Could he have imagined that?

"Yes and I did not appreciate, that foul language," the displeased voice huffed.

Alfred jumped again and started to shake. He really did hear something and there was no one there…

"G-G-GHOST!" he screamed and ran to a wall so his back was not exposed to an attack.

"Pish posh! I am no floating disembodied creature," the voice sounded offended. The voice also sounded closer. Almost like it was coming from between the blondes legs.

Alfred looked down, "huh?" His legs were shaking terribly but there was nothing there. Slowly he stepped away from the curtains wall and looked at it. "If you're not a ghost, than where are you?"

He waited for a reply and when it did, it sounded quite annoyed, "Behind the curtain you obnoxious fool."

As the being spoke the curtain towards the floor fluttered and moved with each word and huff. He slowly knelt down and with a shaking hand he moved the curtain to the side.

He blinked… "A door?" There was no one there just a small wooden door barely taller than his knee. Was someone scolding him from the other side? He knock on the wood and asked, "Are you on the other side off this thing?"

"Ouch! No you moron! Now stop knocking! That hurts and is quite rude! Did your mother not teach you manners?" and to Alfred's surprise the keyhole moved and eyes above the knob opened. That was when Alfred screamed.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" he fell backwards and scooted as far back as he could in just a few seconds.

"Well just when I thought you couldn't get any ruder and louder you prove me wrong," the… door sneered at him… a door actually sneer and insulted him.

"Well sorry, doors where I come from don't usually talk," he yelled. What the hell was in that cake, that was now making him talk to a door?

"Then you must come from a strange place. Many doors I know, talk. Why my great uncle George, he's made of an oak, never stops talking. He always goes on about how no man or beast could ever break him down," the door went on talking like it was no big deal and Alfred just sat there. The fear and shock had worn off but he was still greatly disturbed, by this new turn of events. There was indeed a talking door in front of him.

He had to be dreaming… To test his hypothesis, he slowly, without taking his eyes off the door, pinched himself, "ouch!"

"What? Now why would you pinch yourself, lad?" the door stop talking about his great uncle George to question Alfred on his strange behavior.

"I'm not dream…"

"Of course not, you're as wide awake as a daisy in the sun," the door huffed. "Now why are you here anyway; first that White Rabbit and now you?"

"Wait you saw a rabbit come by? Which way did it go how'd it get out of here?" Alfred looked at the door. That rabbit was the thing that led him to this place, maybe it could lead him back and hopefully on the way he could find Kiku.

"Oh the White Rabbit? Yes I saw him he went right through me. Why do you ask?" the door looked puzzled.

"Damn, how do I get through you, I am way bigger than that thing?" he ignored the doors other inquiry as his mind was already trying to formulate an idea to get through the door. 

The door merely rolled his eyes, not too happy his question was ignored. "Maybe you could find something to help you, on that table over there."

Alfred looked up from his pondering and then to the glass table in the center of the room. On the table, that he could have sworn had nothing on it before, was a vial. He stood up and walked over to the table. There was a tag on it, which read "drink me". He bit his lip, the last time he consumed something strange, all this weirdness happened. Still he was at a loss of what else to do and so took out the cork and downed the liquid. It tasted amazing, like, cherry tarts, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast*. He licked his lips to get every pit of the tasty drink.

"Man they should make a soda outta th-" suddenly he felt strange and then like he was falling, the next thing that he knew was that the table was taller than him and he was only a foot tall. He looked around and then at the door. He was now the perfect height to go through but when he went to turn the doors knob (nose?)… It wouldn't budge." 

"What the hell man?"

"It seems I am locked. I am sure though that an intelligent fellow like yourself, grabbed the key, right?" the dumb doors voice dripped with sarcasm. Alfred really was started to hate this door.

"What do you mean key? There was no key on the table," he turned and looked up and low and behold there on the table sat a little gold key. "You have got to be kidding me!" he yelled grabbing his hair in frustration. He was going to turn to the door and yell at it for not mentioning it was locked, when he saw a plate by the glass legs of the table. He walked up to it and found that it was some more cake though it was a lot simpler than the cake he ate at the house, next to it there was a piece of paper that read 'eat me'. With a sigh he stuffed the slice in his mouth and then waited… and waited, "What the hell, nothing's hap-" suddenly he sprung up and grew till he thought he couldn't grow anymore. His head was almost out of the room and back up in the rabbit hole.

"Mummmhmm," Alfred looked down and saw his knee was right up against the door and from the muffled screaming the door was not happy. The table was also pushed against the wall and he was surprised it did not break.

"Hold on, hold on," he called down to the door as he reached to the table. He was too tall and his arm couldn't reach. He tried to lean down a little but the room was too cramped. "Damn it, come on!" he grunted as he shifted his leg other up against the wall; it was painful but finally gave him the angle needed to stretch down. He was able to pinch the key between his index and middle finger and put it in his pocket. Getting the other vial of the shrinking potion was trickier though. He had to be careful not to spill it and he almost pushed it off the table twice. He finally he had it and slowly brought it to his lips. The taste slipped down his tongue and throat and he felt the familiar falling feeling, as the floor rushed towards him.

"Well I must say that hurt. Your knee was right against my knob," he looked towards the door who was jiggling the brass object, like one would if they were punched square in the nose.

"Well it's not like the cake came with directions on how much to eat," he grumbled walking to the door with the key in hand.

"Well a little advice. Next time take small bites instead of scarfing it down like an animal. Really, you are a human being not a snake, next time you might choke," the door scuffed as it opened its keyhole and waited for the key. 

"Yeah, yeah. I don't need a lecture from a door. It's not like you're my mom," he put the key into the doors… mouth? He then hesitantly turned the key and heard a click. With a smile he turned the knob and opened the door. Behind it was a vast world of grass taller than him and flowers waved in the breeze. The sun above was bright and birds chirped a pleasant tune.

"What no goodbye?" he closed the door a little to see the door had spoken around the key.

"Oh well, I thought you'd wanna be as far away from me as soon as possible." The door merely rolled its eyes at his snarky remark.

"Well as much of a nuisance that you are… you were quite entertaining," it smiled a little. "Take the key, lad, it may be useful later on."

Alfred took it and grinned, "Thanks man, I'll see you around sometime." He stepped through the door's threshold, about to leave and find that rabbit but stopped when the door said one more thing.

"Alfred, be careful. Wonderland isn't how it used to be," he turned around right when the door closed. What did the door mean, "Not the same"?

**Super sorry for the late update and slow chapter. I promise it'll pick up in the next chapter. Honestly I would not expect to have quick updates . …sorry. I know I'm a lazy bum. Anyway exciting news Hetalia the World Twinkles airs July 3****rd**** hope that info appeases ya'll. Also I didn't mention this last time but if you look on my profile I write notes on how the story is progressing, like how many words I have written and what not. **

***Little "did you know" type thing. The potion Alice drank to shrink actually tasted like that in the book. Talk about something Willy Wonka would make huh?**

**Also I do not own Hetalia nor Alice in Wonderland. If I did Prussia would still be a country and America would have more air time and rusame or prusame would be canon. If I owned Alice in Wonderland the Duchess' baby would not have turned into a pig… poor baby… **

**Anyway Read and Review. Believe it or not it actually makes me want to write. And special thanks to PrirateIggyJones! Thanks for the review Q^Q. And thanks to the people who fav followed this story.**


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